The Story
Writing a Story.
When things happen to us that we don’t like, we tend to write a story in our heads to explain why it happened. It could be that we tell ourselves that we didn’t get the job we wanted because we weren’t qualified enough, or we didn't get the relationship we wanted because we were too needy or too unattractive.
Whatever the story is, there is always a main character and there are the villains. The main character is us, and the villains are the aspects of ourselves that are fighting to overcome.
We have categorised aspects of ourselves as “good” (the things that others will like about us/that we like about ourselves) and “bad” (the things that others will dislike about us/that we dislike about ourselves). We believe that our good qualities will help us gain acceptance, whilst our ‘bad qualities, will ensure we are rejected.
Those “bad” qualities are called our Shadow. And the longer they remain in the dark, the bigger they become in order to get our attention.
Our Shadow.
Shadow is the thing that keeps us out of the light of our desire. It follows us wherever we go, threatening to creep in when we get too comfortable or take us down when we get too happy. It reminds us that there is always a chance that we will lose, and that we are the architects of our own demise.
Shadow emerges in response to (or an anticipated response to) someone else’s reactions. Whether it is that we have been shamed or judged or whether we saw someone else be shamed or judged, it almost doesn't matter - ultimately, shadow represents those aspects of ourselves that we wish were different.
Because if they were, or if they just didn't exist at all, then we would be able to have the life that we always wanted.
Let’s Get Close.
List 5 things that you think make you unlikable.
List 5 things that you wish you could change about yourself.
Say hello to your Shadow. The list above are some of the ways in which you think that you are not good enough.